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Hardcore4eva
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
1,518 posts
Joined: Jun, 2004
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 Posted - 2006/08/15 : 12:48:18
1. OPENING JARS - She's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it
effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's
work.
2. CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids
makes you the man.
3. DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks - camp. A Stuart Pearce
tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and
crippling the man. Magic.
4. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here
love. No, I don't need a sharpener, I've got a knife thanks!
5. GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as
you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish -
noisy destruction.
6. DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on
and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards
the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles
to catch up with you. You're hard.
7. HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.
8. HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron
burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".
9. HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they
just whinge. You on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness,
sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like?
10. NODDING AT COPPERS - A moment's eye contact is all it takes for you to
share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past",it says,
"but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".
11. USING POWER TOOLS - Slightly more powerful than you need or can safely
handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.
12. KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stick that
Becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
13. ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE - And everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're
popular, it just means your mates are ****ed. However, the rest of the pub
doesn't know that.
14. NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - Fat is a feminist issue, apparently.
Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
15. CARVING THE ROAST - And saying "are you a leg or breast man?" to the
blokes and "do you want stuffing?" to the women. Congratulations, you are
now your dad.
16. WINKING - Turns women to putty. Doesn't it?
17. TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - Ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms
with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until
then, we'll make do with the aisles.
18. TAKING OUT 200 FROM A CASHPOINT - Okay, so its for paying the plumber
later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing
better is peeling notes off the roll later.
19. PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - Unlike birds, we get straight
to the point. "Alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See
ya."
20. PARALLEL PARKING - Bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher do
that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you
the worlds best driver.
21. HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the
fields in blistering heat. Why? So when it's over we can stand there in
silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the
other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
22. HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - Especially if you didn't make
a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".
23. KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "A Phillips? For that? Are you mad,
bint?"
24. TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - A visual code that says that's right,
I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized dump
__________________________________
I think you have got me confused with someone that actually gives a FUK.....................
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-Bazza-
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
1,276 posts
Joined: Oct, 2004
18 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2006/08/15 : 13:01:40
ROTFL!
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T~
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
797 posts
Joined: Aug, 2005
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Posted - 2006/08/15 : 13:02:33
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Mad Max
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
1,019 posts
Joined: Dec, 2005
281 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2006/08/15 : 13:08:03
17. TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - Ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms
with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until
then, we'll make do with the aisles.
excellent idea now i can try on the delux tool belt without any one seeing
__________________________________
http://www.rautemusik.fm/
HardeR Stream
The Free of Form Show Every Thursday 7-9pm gmt
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FriedRice
Advanced Member
Australia
669 posts
Joined: Feb, 2006
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Posted - 2006/08/15 : 13:08:17
Haha so many of those things are true
Cheers for the laugh mate
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How do you get an emo out of a tree? Cut the rope..
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Phobz
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
893 posts
Joined: Jan, 2006
13 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2006/08/15 : 13:10:00
haha good stuff :D
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http://www.soundcloud.com/phobz
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Hardcore4eva
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
1,518 posts
Joined: Jun, 2004
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Posted - 2006/08/15 : 13:17:55
quote:
Originally posted by FriedRice:
Haha so many of those things are true
Cheers for the laugh mate
No worries, i get loads of funny things sent to me through work! Will look and see if i have anyting else that is worth posting!
__________________________________
I think you have got me confused with someone that actually gives a FUK.....................
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_BoNe_
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
1,387 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2006/08/15 : 13:19:56
quote:
Originally posted by Hardcore4eva:
13. ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE - And everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're
popular, it just means your mates are ****ed. However, the rest of the pub
doesn't know that.
haha, its a good un 
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################################
# iTS aLL aBOUT bEATS -- aLL aBOUT bASS #
#aLL aBOUT hARDCORE -- aLL aBOUT rAVES#
################################
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Smoogie
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
6,504 posts
Joined: Mar, 2006
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Posted - 2006/08/15 : 13:31:15
Classic! The best bit is ariving in a pub late and getting cheered! It does make you look good lol
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.
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Jon O-T
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
929 posts
Joined: Jun, 2005
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Posted - 2006/08/15 : 13:32:11
20. PARALLEL PARKING - Bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher do
that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you
the worlds best driver.
there all good though, and true!
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The internet: Where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents 
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Simon
Advanced Member
Belgium
5,001 posts
Joined: Dec, 2001
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Posted - 2006/08/15 : 15:17:26
quote:
Originally posted by Hardcore4eva:
7. HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.
Show me any man that doesn't have one of these!
__________________________________
"...The Outsider"
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kathryn
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
6,520 posts
Joined: Apr, 2005
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Posted - 2006/08/15 : 15:25:48
Things that make men proud of themselves:
1) Not spilling dinner down their shirt!
2) Having enough money at the end of a night at the pub for a kebab!
3) Waking up in the morning at the side of a bird they have pulled and
thinking 'How did i mange to pull her'
4) Crossing an elderly person across the street!
5) Standing up for a heavily pregnant woman!
Opening jars! You guys know its all in the wrist action
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:)
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Edited by - kathryn on 2006/08/15 15:27:03 |
Ionosphere
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
3,750 posts
Joined: Dec, 2004
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Posted - 2006/08/15 : 15:54:33
25. PUNCHING SOMEONE TO THE FLOOR OF THE TRAIN DURING RUSH HOUR-
because they deliberately kept bumping into you whilst you were trying to read
your newspaper, calmly looking around the carriage to see if anyone's got a problem
with that, lifting your paper back up, give it shake to get it straight and carry on reading.
__________________________________
This- http://www.discogs.com/artist/Ionosphere
THIS - http://soundcloud.com/ionosphere
VIDEO - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nYWkHCkaho
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kathryn
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
6,520 posts
Joined: Apr, 2005
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Posted - 2006/08/15 : 16:02:48
quote:
Originally posted by Ionosphere:
25. PUNCHING SOMEONE TO THE FLOOR OF THE TRAIN DURING RUSH HOUR-
because they deliberately kept bumping into you whilst you were trying to read
your newspaper, calmly looking around the carriage to see if anyone's got a problem
with that, lifting your paper back up, give it shake to get it straight and carry on reading.
Speaking of trains!
Stu was telling me about a bit worse for the wear on the train journey he was making on Friday who was staring at his half eaten cheese burger and couldnt take his eyes of it oh and he kicked Stu twice as well!
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:)
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XtarsiA
Senior Member
United Kingdom
431 posts
Joined: Mar, 2005
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Posted - 2006/08/15 : 16:41:29
quote:
Originally posted by Ionosphere:
25. PUNCHING SOMEONE TO THE FLOOR OF THE TRAIN DURING RUSH HOUR-
because they deliberately kept bumping into you whilst you were trying to read
your newspaper, calmly looking around the carriage to see if anyone's got a problem
with that, lifting your paper back up, give it shake to get it straight and carry on reading.
I got the impression that was a personal experiance lol
where you the puncher?
or the punchee? 
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http://www.xtarsia.net
http://www.myspace.com/XtarsiA
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Mortis
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
7,493 posts
Joined: May, 2004
341 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2006/08/15 : 18:03:16
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"Maybe in a day and age in which even our rappers can't get to the end of a verse without having an existential crisis, we should find a place for happy hardcore"
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