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Cyborgasm
Advanced Member
Canada
678 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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 Posted - 2006/08/05 : 18:56:49
1.) Post in the wrong thread or board.
Yes, nothing says "I'm a complete prat" like telling everyone some "latest adventures of me" story in a thread designated for something utterly not about you. While some jerk-offs prefer to prattle on about their recent observations and then throw the reader a bone or tidbit of topic-related matter, the true moron will be sure that whatever they have to say has absolutely nothing to do with the intended topic.
So head over to the Song ID board and show everyone there what a Grade-A moron you are by posting your recent brush with death due to alchol poisoning be sure to throw in some useless information about drug use aswell. After all, booze and drugs are much more exciting to people looking for information about a certain song.
2.) Act like the world owes you something.
The mark of a master moron is effortless conceit, and nothing will express your complete laziness and self-centered attitude like expecting others to provide you with things you could easily figure out for yourself. Beginning a post with "Someone give me..." or "I want..." will show your readers what an important person you are and how they should have to scramble about, using their own time and resources, to find you whatever information crosses your impulsive little mind.
3.) Never ...ever... read Tutorials, stickies or prior threads.
It should go without saying that any assistance and easily useful explanations that are not specifically in reply to your own posts are of little or no consequence. You should have no desire to bother reading anything that someone wrote for everyone because you're too special and need direct hand-holding.
Sure, all the info you could possibly need could very well be in such documents as Frequently Asked Questions or somesuch, but again: you are going for complete moron, so you are too important or busy to go reading some labored-over, everything-you-need-to-know page. Besides, to read those things would be close to admitting that you don't already know everything that's worth knowing.
That's right, if you want to know how to use some feature, it's always better to post some new thread (in the wrong board, of course) than to waste the average fifteen seconds it wold take to look it up yourself. Remember, self-absorbed helplessness is the way to go.
4.) All messages are public: never bother to PM anyone.
Whenever you feel like saying something to a specific person on the forum and the message obviously has nothing to do with the topic, don't waste time PMing them. Just make a general reply in whatever thread suits your fancy. Better still, don't even bother mentioning who you're directing it at.
5.) Expect clairvoyance.
Every post you make should be immediately clear and obvious to anyone reading. Your intent and idea is no-doubt clear and concise to everyone. Those who claim otherwise are obviously flawed and should be attacked for their lack of mind-reading skills and vilified for their stupidity (see #7 below).
6.) Typing skills have no place online.
Obviously, with the proper clairvoyance of the previous rule, all your posts are perfectly well formatted. Large blocks of text with no punctuation, lacking in case-sensitivity, spelling or grammar, are not only acceptable but expected of the Complete Moron. You can't be bothered to use a spellcheck website or give a damn about periods. This is your post, hence it is above the principles of effective text communications.
An additional tactic of PUTTING EVERYTHING IN ALL-CAPS will be sure to persuade even the most intelligent, thoughtful person to see your side of things. The Caps-Lock key was put on the keyboard for a reason: to show everyone how utterly profound your message is, regardless of anyone thinking of it as rude or screaming. Show 'em who's boss.
7.) When debating, go ad hominem.
If the casual, everyday moron is oblivious and conceited, then the dynamic, attacking moron (particularly one in the heat of a flame-war) must be true to form and defy logic by personally attacking anyone who disagrees. While this method borders on the Troll, the arsenal of a idiot must be simple and small or they could flounder in their moronic resolve.
Logic? Reason? Sensibility? These things are not to be bothered with, for they are the result of forethought and insight, which a F**kin moron is far too (self-) important to pay attention to. Accuse your opponent of the most insane things you can imagine. Claiming that Bob_Ross_22 has sex with farm animals is obvious proof that your position is better and everyone should believe you.
8.) When doubted, cry!
Believe it or not, some people out here may find the Halfwit an unwelcome guest in their group. Yes, a large number of misguided souls in Internet Land have come to expect some level of maturity, consistancy and consideration from their fellow community members. These people are best dealt with by crying foul and claiming such things as racial discrimination, sour grapes or even outright Machiavelian scheeming against you.
Call them Nazis; claim they hate you because of your "handicap" (it's okay to make up handicaps to suit your needs--such as being dyslexic for a day to make them feel guilty for commenting on your poor grammar); make up life-trials which caused your behavior, then claim that your antagonist is abusing you and using your pitiable situation to kick you while you're down. In the end, it is the complete moron who will garner support and win the argument!
In conclusion...
A great many other tactics may be employed by a F**kin' Moron to gain superiority over others in a forum. Use the skills you have at your disposal: ignorance is strength, louder is more correct, helplessness is the only reason you need, you are never wrong, etc. You have an impressive arsenal of tactics at your disposal, now go forth and use them!
May all your posts be loud, off-topic and utterly without reality. Hail to the Complete F**kin' Moron!
Your Friend,
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Anything Below 300BPM is for Pussies
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djDMS
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
10,304 posts
Joined: Feb, 2003
572 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2006/08/05 : 19:15:45
Reference - See GForce
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Taking my time to perfect the beat
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clarke101
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
3,839 posts
Joined: Jun, 2003
185 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2006/08/05 : 21:53:11
u sem 2 hav forgoten about typin lik this init.
or LiKe ThIs
or 100k 47 m3 1m 1337.
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Panda Style
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Smoogie
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
6,504 posts
Joined: Mar, 2006
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Posted - 2006/08/05 : 23:25:15
9, have a few acounts and invite your friends to join you on-line and SPAM the forum into the Blue!
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.
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Cotts
Advanced Member
Australia
917 posts
Joined: Aug, 2004
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Posted - 2006/08/06 : 08:05:11
quote:
Originally posted by Smoogie:
9, have a few acounts and invite your friends to join you on-line and SPAM the forum into the Blue!
wow smoogie! I heard somewhere that this is your specialty?
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http://www.djcotts.com.au
http://www.youtube.com/djcotts
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Mortis
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
7,493 posts
Joined: May, 2004
341 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2006/08/06 : 21:25:21
quote:
Originally posted by djDMS:
Reference - See GForce
Hahaha, Kathryn & myself where saying the same thing today.
That guys a total ass.
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"Maybe in a day and age in which even our rappers can't get to the end of a verse without having an existential crisis, we should find a place for happy hardcore"
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Edited by - Mortis on 2006/08/07 16:38:20 |
Smoogie
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
6,504 posts
Joined: Mar, 2006
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Posted - 2006/08/07 : 10:59:49
quote:
Originally posted by Cotts:
quote:
Originally posted by Smoogie:
9, have a few acounts and invite your friends to join you on-line and SPAM the forum into the Blue!
wow smoogie! I heard somewhere that this is your specialty?
In the past...
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.
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kathryn
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
6,520 posts
Joined: Apr, 2005
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Posted - 2006/08/07 : 11:06:23
quote:
Originally posted by Mortis:
quote:
Originally posted by djDMS:
Reference - See GForce
Hahaha, me and Kahtryn where saying the same thing today.
That guys a total ass.
Innit? That guy has got some issues he needs to see someone about!
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:)
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jenks
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
3,698 posts
Joined: Feb, 2003
19 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2006/08/07 : 14:49:39
10.) Make posts that you know are too long for those retards to read ;)
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1up
Advanced Member
Australia
1,091 posts
Joined: Jan, 2005
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Posted - 2006/08/08 : 06:13:21
LOL i dont see the purpose of this thread! it isnt that hard to be a moron!
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fcuk the rails. fcuk the rails! FCUK THE RAILS!
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DJ E-Rok
Senior Member
Russia
476 posts
Joined: Jan, 2004
33 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2006/08/08 : 06:23:49
Hey Dj Deme,
That was an awsome post, I often think what you've writen, I just cant get it out in words or writing :( Anyway, hopefully these fn moron's understand what you've said and see how pathetic their behavier is. Its funny how they're so stupid and completly oblivious.
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stupid bathtubs
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clarke101
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
3,839 posts
Joined: Jun, 2003
185 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2006/08/08 : 13:37:23
quote:
Originally posted by jenks:
10.) Make posts that you know are too long for those retards to read ;)
how would that be posting like a moron?
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Panda Style
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jenks
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
3,698 posts
Joined: Feb, 2003
19 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2006/08/08 : 14:30:44
quote:
Originally posted by clarke101:
quote:
Originally posted by jenks:
10.) Make posts that you know are too long for those retards to read ;)
how would that be posting like a moron?
Well isn't this topic supposed to be for their sake? So they don't post like morons? If its so long for them to read then it isn't really worth posting... or maybe I'm just missing the point entirely 
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Jon O-T
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
929 posts
Joined: Jun, 2005
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Posted - 2006/08/08 : 16:25:29
quote:
Originally posted by jenks:
quote:
Originally posted by clarke101:
quote:
Originally posted by jenks:
10.) Make posts that you know are too long for those retards to read ;)
how would that be posting like a moron?
Well isn't this topic supposed to be for their sake? So they don't post like morons? If its so long for them to read then it isn't really worth posting... or maybe I'm just missing the point entirely
Dont worry, I get ya! lol
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The internet: Where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents 
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lucificifus
Advanced Member
United States
1,518 posts
Joined: Jun, 2004
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Posted - 2006/08/09 : 05:06:28
THREAD JACK!
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pump tha selectah!
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kathryn
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
6,520 posts
Joined: Apr, 2005
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Posted - 2006/08/16 : 12:06:55
Well i think that at the end of the day this is the General Discussion thread and it does say its for mindless waffle that dosent fit elsewhere, which i know am guilty of and so thats my 2 cents and we all have a right to have a rant and air our views innit?
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:)
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