| Author |
Thread |
|
Uproar
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
1,644 posts
Joined: Aug, 2004
|
 Posted - 2006/06/04 : 20:09:22
This is a list of rules that you should show the women in your life so you can watch the World Cup in peace with no interruptions whatsoever.
1. From 9th June to 9th July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions.
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I won't have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door or answer the telephone. It wont happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 3 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch??", the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier league, etc etc.
Thank you for your cooperation. 
__________________________________
"The thing I hate about you, Rowntree, is the way you give Coca-Cola to your scum, and your best teddy bear to Oxfam, and expect us to lick your frigid fingers for the rest of your frigid life."
Alert moderator 
|
T~
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
797 posts
Joined: Aug, 2005
|
Posted - 2006/06/04 : 20:41:26
Alert moderator
|
-Bazza-
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
1,276 posts
Joined: Oct, 2004
18 hardcore releases
|
Posted - 2006/06/04 : 22:10:14
I still don't understand this fascination with football. 
Alert moderator
Edited by - -Bazza- on 2006/06/04 22:10:46 |
Cyborgasm
Advanced Member
Canada
678 posts
Joined: May, 2004
|
Posted - 2006/06/04 : 22:23:36
quote:
Originally posted by -Bazza-:
I still don't understand this fascination with football.
thats it your out of the male club plase turn in your penis as soon as possible
__________________________________
Anything Below 300BPM is for Pussies
Alert moderator
|
Brian K
Advanced Member
United States
8,663 posts
Joined: Sep, 2001
528 hardcore releases
|
Posted - 2006/06/04 : 23:49:27
I'll be sure to print this out and hand it to my wife on thursday 
__________________________________
"we'll delete the weak"
Alert moderator
|
clarke101
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
3,839 posts
Joined: Jun, 2003
185 hardcore releases
|
Posted - 2006/06/05 : 00:19:13
quote:
Originally posted by Brian K:
I'll be sure to print this out and hand it to my wife on thursday
Pfft wont work. Although if you still have a dot-matrix it might
__________________________________
Panda Style
Alert moderator
|
-Bazza-
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
1,276 posts
Joined: Oct, 2004
18 hardcore releases
|
Posted - 2006/06/05 : 01:21:49
quote:
Originally posted by Dj Deme:
quote:
Originally posted by -Bazza-:
I still don't understand this fascination with football.
thats it your out of the male club plase turn in your penis as soon as possible
Gladly. 
Alert moderator
Edited by - -Bazza- on 2006/06/05 01:22:11 |
bulby_g
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
7,205 posts
Joined: Apr, 2004
430 hardcore releases
|
Posted - 2006/06/05 : 10:58:40
quote:
Originally posted by -Bazza-:
I still don't understand this fascination with football.
Me neither.
__________________________________
www.myspace.com/bulbyg
Alert moderator
|
|
Printer friendly
